Confidence Is Not Believing Everything You Make Is Exceptional

Gelme: I think too much criticism may be slightly worse than too much praise because it can kill a lot of talent, especially when a person is young.

My parents were very educated and had many positive qualities, but they criticized us constantly.

And when you are a child, you believe your parents are right.

That can damage the way you see yourself.

You may be talented, but if you hear enough criticism, you start doubting whether you are talented at all.

If I had stayed in Lithuania, I don’t think I would ever have tried to create a luxury brand.

I don’t think I would have believed in myself enough.

But constant praise has its own danger too.

You can go in circles for years because nobody tells you, “This doesn’t work. This works. This is exceptional.”

The Other Voice: Maybe confidence is not the belief that everything you make is exceptional.

Maybe mature confidence is knowing that you are capable of making something exceptional—and also capable of making something that fails.

Then the question changes.

Instead of asking, “Am I talented enough?” you can ask, “Is this particular piece as good as it can be?”

Gelme: Something happened at my last show that made me think about this.

I became friendly with another artist, and she told me that I seemed very talented. She was also talking about the high standard of the show.

My husband was standing there listening.

He knows that I have difficulty believing those things about myself.

I know that I work very hard. I know how much thought I put into what I do.

But do I completely believe that I am very talented and that my things are exceptional?

No.

That doubt was planted in me a long time ago, and I still have difficulty escaping it.

The Other Voice: But perhaps doubt and confidence can exist together.

Confidence does not have to mean, “Everything I make is wonderful.”

It can mean, “I trust myself enough to keep looking honestly.”

To see when something works.

To see when something does not.

And to keep going without making either result a judgment about your whole ability.

Gelme: Yes.

I believe I can make something exceptional.

But I do not look at most of my work and think, “This is a piece of art that will go through centuries.”

Sometimes, after ten years, I look at one of my older pieces and suddenly think, “Oh my God, how beautiful and interesting this is.”

And I often did not see that when I had just made it.

At the time, I was simply trying to express something and make something beautiful.

The Other Voice: Maybe distance changes the way an artist sees her own work.

Right after you make something, you remember every correction, every doubt, every moment when you almost changed your mind.

Years later, much of that disappears.

You can finally look at the piece almost like someone else made it.

Maybe the artist’s job is not to decide, “Is this art?”

Maybe the better question is:

“Did I take this as far as I knew how to take it?”

Gelme: I like that.

Because I don’t think confidence should mean that you stop questioning yourself.

I think it means that the questioning no longer stops you.